The diversity of the white Irish guys

There is always a variety of Boston political candidates for whom to vote. Each election you can vote for a white guy named Conley, Connolly, or Connally. Or a white guy named O’Brian, O’Brien, or O’Briant.

To know Barney Frank is to love, hate, and be unaware of him

Barney Frank calls it quits and the Internet comments once again fall into three categories:

• Fox News: “if all the q u e e r s stepped down there wouldnt be a democrat party…including obama”
• Daily Kos: “Good old Barney Frank! He’s like the fave uncle”
• Yahoo Sports: “Fire Andy Reid!!!”

Bay State Bombast – 11/5/11

Cardinal Bernard Law is celebrating his 80th birthday at the Vatican. If you haven’t bought a gift you can’t go wrong with a recording of “Where the Boys Are.”

Sen. Scott Brown has a new Internet ad that defends his environmental record. It’s called “Trees Are People Too.”

Chelsea Housing director Michael E. McLaughlin was forced to resign after it was revealed he was making $360,000 a year, making him the highest paid non-drug-cartel employee in Chelsea.

It’s been reported that former House speaker Sal DiMasi will be serving his eight-year prison sentence for political corruption in Lexington, Kentucky. He should fit right in. Kentucky is just like Boston’s North End — only with fewer teeth.

NStar president Tom May, who people are blaming for the post-storm extended power outages, makes $7.9 million per year. That comes to about 1 penny per “you rich SOB!”

Doling out words of wisdom

Other quotes Scott Brown MAY have plagiarized from Elizabeth Dole:

• Giving birth was the greatest moment of my life.
• I asked Bob, “Do these jeans make my ass look big?”
• Some congressman I’d never heard of named “Weiner” sent me a disgusting email, asking if I wanted to “get nasty.”

“Can we still call Mayor Menino ‘Mumbles’”?

The Rupert Murdoch Tabloids ‘R Us Empire continues to take one hit after another. It’s not the greatest time to be in the sleazy journalism business. One can only wonder what Boston Herald Editor-in-Chief Joe Sciacca is doing to rally his troops:

“Damn the fact checkers and full speed ahead! A free Wingo ticket to the first reporter who brings me proof that Whitey Bulger and Governor Patrick once shared a summer rental in Provincetown.”

I had a dream – and it was for sale

What’s the most surprising thing so far in former Massachusetts Speaker Sal DiMasi’s sleaze-packed corruption trial? Nothing.

His story is not a tragedy. He was never the young idealistic Salvatore DiMasi with dreams he could change the world; just a slick pol on the make, waiting for his opportunity to cash in on his position of authority. Don Corleone began with better intentions.

The trial will end in one of two ways: 1) DiMasi got what he deserved or 2) DiMasi didn’t get what he deserved. Either way, don’t expect to hear from the “Justice for Sal” Committee.

The education of Geoff Diehl

Massachusetts State Rep. Geoff Diehl, a Whitman Republican is just a political babe in the woods. How else can you explain him giving third graders in East Bridgewater and Whitman a note for their parents, inviting them to his fundraiser?

Fortunately, Diehl has learned the error of his ways: “Really, it’s a lesson learned. I feel horrible for the ramifications.”

If only other politicians could have learned from their unfortunate experiences:

• Richard Nixon – “Breaking into the Watergate is illegal? I’m so embarrassed. It will never happen again.”
• Bill Clinton – “I feel like a fool. I had no idea it was wrong for a married president to have sex with a young intern in the Oval office.”
• Charles Rangel – “Really! I’m a walking ethics violation. Thanks for telling me.”

Bay State Bombast – 3/25/11

85-year-old Philip F. Laverriere, who’d been collecting a $144,000 salary as the executive director of the Greater Lawrence Community Action Council, quit after it was revealed he’d been working about 15 hours a week while spending the rest of his time at the Elks Lodge. In his defense, Laverriere said, “It’s not like I wasn’t thinking about work while drinking and playing cards.”

The Cambridge City Council voted to give up its cost of living pay increases. (The part-time position currently pays $70,329.) As of today, no sign from Mother Teresa indicating “Way to go guys!”

A “Framing the Innocent” event was held for Chuck Turner on the eve of his departure for a three-year prison sentence for accepting a bribe from an FBI informant. Due to a scheduling conflict, Turner was unable to attend a larger “Enough Already, Chuck” rally.

To promote revival of its free shipping policy, L.L. Bean is paying the MBTA (Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority) to make 10 buses resemble mail-order packages. Passengers riding inside the giant parcels will also be stacked in their seats by UPS deliverymen.

After visiting the Guantanamo Bay prison facility Sen. Scott Brown said he found the camp to be a humane, quality facility. However, he doesn’t feel that taxpayer money should be used to pay for prisoners if they are illegal immigrants.

If it’s Tuesday it must be toxic tuna surprise

Boston’s director of food and nutrition services is out of a job after an inspection turned up 280 cases of out-of-date food in 40 cafeterias. Even though the items had no visible expiration dates, the product names should have raised some red flags:

• 50 cases of Lard Helper
• 500 packages of Ben Franklin’s Nicotine-flavored Frozen Asparagus
• 100 bottles of Three Mile Island Salad Dressing

As if you need another reason to hate insurance companies

Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Massachusetts promised to be “transparent” on executive compensation after it was revealed that former CEO Cleve L. Killingsworth received an $8.6 million in a compensation package after being asked to leave. In addition, it was revealed that the non-profit organization paid its directors $56,200-$89,886 per year.

And what will they be transparent about?

• The public will be notified each time a CEO requests his lunch be served on a naked Balinese virgin.
• The public will alerted whenever a board member asks to be reimbursed for tickets to Gynecologists on Ice.
• A full accounting will be provided if any executive charges more than $10,000 on his or her expense account for Grey Poupon.

Super Mitt: Able to change positions with a single bound

Mitt Romney’s part in creating Massachusetts’ health care law is weighing heavier on him than a family dog on a station wagon roof. Current Bay State Gov. Deval Patrick, appearing on ABC’s Sunday news show “This Week,” generously gave the former Republican governor credit for creating the state’s Obama-like program.

To hear Romney explain it there’s a big difference between his program and the president’s – for starters, the president’s is called Obamacare.

Mitt Romney should think twice about distancing himself from his moderate past. It’s not too late for the heavily Democratic Massachusetts Legislature to declare November 2012 “Mitt Romney Death Panel Month.”

We’re wicked patriotic

There are six organizations in Massachusetts identified as so-called patriot groups according to a soon-to-be released study by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Should we be concerned? What is a patriot? One man’s devoted citizen might be another’s Ruby Ridger waiting to happen.

Well, you might be a Massachusetts patriot if:

• You believe David Ortiz has a right to use a Louisville Slugger with 30-ball clip.
• You believe Mass. Gov. Deval Partick was born in the South Side of Chicago. But you don’t believe the South Side of Chicago is part of the United States.
• You believe one of the “founding principles” is the right to own firecrackers.
• You swear over your Social Security check that the state has no right to make you buy health insurance.
• You refuse to ride on all state toll roads because it’s transportation without representation.

Next stop, Chapter 11

The Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority is looking at a $5 billion deficit. With a tradition of employees retiring with a full pension before reaching puberty, it’s hard to understand how this could happen.

But just how broke is the MBTA? Well, the MBTA is so broke:

• Employees are being asked to use their own pillows for sleeping on the job.
• Its unintelligible public address system has been replaced by a man having an asthma attack.
• Rodents living along the tracks must purchase Charlie Cards.
• Perverts are now charged a groping fee.
• Advertising space is being sold on bus driver’s foreheads.

Can you get my nephew a no-snow job?

Massachusetts is buried in snow. How do we get rid of it? Here are five ideas from five Bay State politicians:

• Speaker Robert DeLeo – Build slot igloos.
• Gov. Deval Patrick – Build an army of snow-business-men, pay them millions to start a company in the Massachusetts, then sit back and watch the snow relocate to China.
• Sen. Scott Brown – Do nothing to remove it, but complain “it’s not Mother Nature’s snow; it’s the people of Massachusetts’ snow.”
• Mayor Tom Menino – Unionize the snow and hope it melts before the stuff gets a hefty cost of living raise.
• Sen. John Kerry – Convince his wealthy wife, Teresa to build the world’s biggest snow cone stand — in Rhode Island for tax purposes, of course.

He’s the man who never returned…the bribe

Let me tell you the story
Of a man named Chuck
On a tragic and fateful day
He put a $1000 bribe in his pocket,
Kissed his career and honor away

Former Boston City councilor Chuck Turner faces the music this week when he’s sentenced on federal corruption charges. In the meantime, The Raging Grannies gave him a sendoff – along with a hacksaw baked in a bran muffin.