President Obama must feel like the woman who’s lost 25 pounds and finds herself being courted by guys who previously didn’t want to be seen with her. It’s amazing how attractive he looks to Democratic politicians after shedding a few unemployment percentage points.
Senator FightingToGetReElected: Hi Mr. President. Remember me? I’d be honored if you accompanied me to a fundraiser in my district. Yes, I did tell you after the 2010 elections that we couldn’t be seen together, but you know how I like to kid.
President Obama: Oh Senator, I’d love to attend your fundraiser. Who knows what wild things I might do if you endorse my Health Plan.
Senator FightingToGetReElected: I can’t believe I never noticed your hot employment figures.
Oh wow! Mitt Romney, a man who may be our next president, voted in the Massachusetts Primary at the Beech St Center, right near where I live in Belmont. Of course, this is only one of his home towns. But it was here, half way through his one and only term as governor, Romney decided to run (the first time) for president and spend the rest of his career deriding liberal Massachusetts. Can he really win? I’ll tell you when I see my first “Romney for President” sign in Belmont.
Mitt Romney described himself as a “severely conservative Republican governor.” In dating terms, he’ll say anything to get politically laid. I didn’t vote for him when he ran of governor of Massachusetts, but his one term in office still left me feeling cheap and used.
Aside from former Sears Catalog menswear models, who relates to Mitt Romney? He may win his party’s presidential nomination, but where will only good looks, a multitude of positions, and spray-on charisma get you – besides a guest appearance on “Mad Men”?
Israel’s right-wing government is warning – well, tried to warn — its citizens not to marry Jewish Americans because it will cause them to “lose their national identities.” This is not good news if you’re looking forward to shopping for an engagement ring at Tiffany’s with your hot little Mossad agent. (Believe me, it’s not the same with a CIA analyst who keeps kosher.) Still, it’s important to keep the race clean. (Where have I heard that before?) The last thing Israel needs is another no-goodnick liberal immigrant like Milwaukee’s own (seriously) Golda Meir.
Speaking about President Obama, Rick Perry said, “It reveals to me that he grew up in a privileged way” – in a family that could afford coherent thoughts.
UN bashing is popular among Republican candidates. Why? UN are 2 letters easy to remember
Everyone is starting to go after Newt Gingrich. It looks like Ron Paul is up next.
Talking about the sexual harassment charges against him, Herman Cain said, “As far as I’m concerned, there’s no new information, no new documentation, no new nothing” – aside form a bevy of women still having Herman Cain nightmares.
Herman Cain asked a crowd, “Who knows every detail of every country of every situation on the planet? He then thanked his New Hampshire audience for making his stay in Delaware such a pleasure.
After his last disaster trying to answer a foreign policy question, Herman Cain cancelled an interview with the New Hampshire Union Leader. Apparently, he needed more time to prepare for his Q&A with the My Weekly Reader editorial board.
The Early Show profiled three religious leaders and standup comedians: Mr. Loco’s cousin Rabbi Bob Alper, Pastor Susan Sparks, and Azhar Usman. The three-person comedy team finds spiritual power in humor.
Gloria: Great foreign policy interview. Herman Cain really nailed it on Libya.
Herman: Thank you. Great dinner. Gloria Cain sure knows how to cook a pot roast.
Gloria: Thank you. It’s Gloria Cain’s pleasure to please Herman Cain.
Herman: That’s what Herman Cain likes to hear.
Gloria: By the way, Gloria Cain watched Gloria Allred’s latest press conference, and Gloria Cain can’t believe what they were saying about Herman Cain.
Herman: Herman Cain can’t believe it either. If there’s one thing Gloria Cain should know, Herman Cain is her main man and he’d never treat another woman like that.
Gloria: You don’t have to tell that to Gloria Cain. She knows Herman Cain better than that. By the way, Gloria Cain found another pair of woman’s underwear in Herman Cain’s sport coat. They’re not Gloria Cain’s size so Gloria Cain assumes Herman Cain volunteered to do some poor woman’s laundry.
Is it realistic to expect Herman Cain to remember every detail of his fascinating and inspirational life?
Who can remember every sexual harassment case brought against him/her? Most people can’t remember what they had for breakfast. And yet they’re supposed to remember every time someone accused groping a colleague?
So Herman has a problem keeping his story straight. Cut him some slack. It’s not like he forgot about a hit-and-run accident…yet.
Want to create a job and improve the economy? Quit your sucky dead-end job (preferably with a 19-piece band) and let someone else be miserable doing it.
U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan burned a box of Bill O’Reilly’s books titled “Pinheads and Patriots” — causing many First Amendment advocates to have second thoughts.
Herman Cain clarified his position on abortion, adding “From now on, please direct all questions to my newly-appointed Director of Clarification.”
Rick Perry’s flat tax plan is a political gamble. It could push him from “out of race” to “never was in the race.”
General Electric’s profit rose 18 percent, causing the company to change its slogan to “GE: We Bring Wealthy Executives to the Hamptons.”
President Obama’s jobs plan was blocked again by Senate Republicans. In related news, the GOP reached a milestone, mentioning “job creators” for the one billionth time.
Last night’s Republican presidential debate in Las Vegas added another chapter to Rick Perry’s “Revenge of the Nerds” nightmare. The debates have been a series of political wedgies for the Texas tough guy.
For every geek who’s ever been stuffed into a locker, it was sheer bliss to watch the bully once again get pummeled by the chess team.
“President Ron Paul” is a terrifying thought. But how cool would it be to see Paul dancing at the Inaugural Ball with the head cheerleader – or better yet — the vice president of the Science Club?
Politics | Ben Alper | 
March 9, 2012 10:54 am | 
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