Finally, someone who understands the voices in my head

“Rent Is 2 Damn High” candidate Jimmy McMillan connects with too crazy Congresswoman Michele Bachmann at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). Was it by chance or by eHarmony.com?

Political Shorts – 2/2/11

Clashes erupted today between supporters and opponents of Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak. Finally, after 30 years in office, he’s bringing people together.

Rep. Michele Bachmann is against TSA full-body scanners because she’s afraid “naked pictures” of herself could end up on the Internet, or worse, in the next “Girls Gone Clueless” video.

After almost 32 years in office, President Ali Abdullah Saleh of Yemen announced he will not seek another term. He will also not hand power off to his son, Skippy Abdullah Saleh. UPDATE: Ali Abdullah Saleh just announced he’s running for mayor of Chicago.

According to a Pew Hispanic Center report, about 11.2 million illegal immigrants were living in the United States in 2010 – or as the Republican Party calls them: an 11.2 million person crime wave – or as the Democratic Party calls them: a future 11.2 million person voting block.

The Republican Jewish Coalition is sending Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour to Israel for five days. Barbour will be filling in for the Coalition’s original choice: Sheriff Rosco P. Coltrane from “The Dukes of Hazzard.”

Political Shorts – 1/11/11

New York Republican Rep. Peter King said he’ll introduce legislation to ban the carrying of any firearm within 1,000 feet of “high-profile government officials” — more specifically within 1,000 feet of New York Republican Rep. Peter King.

Former U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay was sentenced to three years in jail for money laundering. A disappointed Delay said, “This is almost as bad as getting voted off “Dancing with the Stars.”

Mitt Romney is on a Middle East fact-finding tour. After meeting with regional leaders, he gushed, “I love these guys! I should’ve brought my wives!”

Sarah Palin’s TV show was cancelled. The saddened Mama Grizzly said, “Obviously I’m upset, but this isn’t the time to threaten to shoot somebody.”

U.S. Rep. Michele Bachmann is organizing a series of constitutional discussions for members of Congress. In fact, it will be her first discussion that won’t end with the burning of a document.

Thinking outside the Bachmann

Tea Party gal, Rep. Michele Bachmann has a 10 point plan to fix the economy. It contains all the usual conservative talking points (cut taxes, make all the Bush tax cuts permanent, force Michelle Obama to shop at Costco, etc.). Number 10, however, has potential:

10. Propose a “flatter tax” and a tax code no longer than 50-pages “double spaced, with a font size no smaller than 9-point. My guess is that even some of my Democratic colleagues would be able to read that bill.”

Why stop at font size? Here are some ways to make Bachmann’s tax code more Fox News friendly:

• Words cannot be longer than six characters or one syllable.
• The use of Garamond or any other French font is prohibited.
• You can qualify for a tax credit if you find Waldo.